What am I Doing to Myself?

Ok...Honesty is the best policy right? So why can't I be honest with myself about my feelings for Jeff? I admit it...Even though I have been warning myself, holding myself back, and Phillip has been warning me, I've developed feeling for Jeff. I've known this since June, but have been fighting it consistantly.

I am destined to get hurt here, and what sucks is that I almost don't care. We spend too much time together, and in some ways, we are way too alike. So now when he tells me that he is corresponding with someone online, I feel like a knife is being put to my chest. Yet I'm swallowing my pride and pretending it isn't bothering me, meanwhile, I am miserable. I'm digging myself a hole and I'm not sure that I can get out of it. And still, I hold out hope.

The guy he has been writing to flakes out on him...appears and disappears. Maybe he's interested, maybe he isn't. Blah-blah-blah. Maybe my heart breaks, maybe it doesn't.