Cleveland Blackout

Jeff and I talked earlier this week and he said that things were not going to work with the other guy. Other guy stood Jeff up for dinner and it was the last straw. So of course I sit here relieved, but still agonizing over what to do. I talk it out with a friend and he gives me the straight advice I need which is to just tell him how I feel. Easier said than done, as I've got some serious vulnerablilty issues, but I know it needs to be done.

So I decide that I would do it after our regular Thursday television show. I spend the day in Pittsburgh helping someone pick some things up at IKEA and when I get home...the lights are out. In fact, the lights are out all over the city. Cleveland is under a massive blackout.

I call Jeff and offer he come to my place, as I have more windows allowing a cross breeze, while his place has only one massive window. We go out to the local bar and have a few drinks before going back to my place though, as I need a bit of courage here.

It feels like it must be 100 outside, we have no air conditioning and no fans. Lying in my bed, we start talking...or should I say I start talking. I just start letting it all out...how jealous I was of this other guy, how miserable I was on their date, and explaining that I'm not sure what to do. As I'm speaking, I already know his response will be negative, but instead he doesn't really respond. What the hell is that all about? Say your damn feelings (even if you don't have any).

He did promise that he will never take me on one of his dates again. The pain from that weekend is still with me, and I just don't need to feel that bad. He can date other men (and I wouldn't stop him), but NEVER BRING ME ON ONE OF THOSE DATES AGAIN! He understood where I was coming from and agreed to that request.

So smart me would have then said goodnight and gone to sleep just a little dejected, but instead, we end up screwing around. Now I am really not in a good place and I can tell that I am on the steep hill to getting hurt. This sucks. I need to find a new prospective guy. I need to end the contact we have.

I just don't know where to go with this. I know he is interested in someone he has been conversing with online, but they haven't met yet (ahhh...online meetings...they are fun). Regardless, we need to spend a little less time together.