Self Confidence is Edging Away...

Ok...so the confidence level is a little low today. I'm not sure why it has hit me all of a sudden, but it hit me about an hour ago. Maybe the junk food filled afternoon, or this is just leftover depression from the depletion is still around (I was told it could happen).

So comedy wise...Confidence is fairly strong. I have another show booked for the 17th of January. This is for a private party, a 50th wedding anniversary. I'm looking for a monologue or something I can use, but will go with the standby material if I need to. I figure I'd like to finish with a song showing how the groom picked up the woman in the first place. Maybe "Honey Suckle Rose" from Ain't Misbehavin.

So the confidence level is on shaky ground in the romance department at this present moment. Romance life...well...I'm second guessing everything right now. Comes with being hurt, lied to, and used in the past. And I haven't always been the innocent party, but I try to keep my nose clean and treat others as I would want to be treated. Suddenly in the last 20 minutes...I've just had the confidence zapped from me...don't ask me why. I guess it's my own brain tricking myself, thinking the worst. And maybe that is it.

Example: Jason has gone to his family's home in Cincinnati (he left Monday) and was originally coming back today, but then decided to stay into next week as he is making money working for his sister. We've talked on the phone, thus how I know this. So the fatalist side of me says "what if he just didn't want to see me again but was too chickenshit to say anything"? It's only been a couple of dates, so it is possible. But my bigger question is where are these thoughts comming from?

In Brent's blog he mentioned that when his son's bus was late, he was assuming the worst. Now I know as a member of the police force, he has seen things I would never want to see, and it has to make him jaded. But everyone I know would think the same thoughts (myself included).

So the question. Why do "we" (in this case those of us who do) think the worst case senarios? Is it self preservation, where if we can dream it up, and it happens, it won't hurt as badly? Or do we just do this to drive ourselves crazy, so when things go well, we are just extra happy?