Friday, January 23, 2004

Gay Labels

I Could Use a Good "Snow" Job

Ever notice how most of the weather casters are men? I think it has to do with the snow predictions. Every time they say we are going to get a solid 10 inches...we really get 5. Typical man.

It does get me thinking...why do men have such horrible problems dealing with the size of their penis. And the advertisements...be more of a man You never see a woman walking around proud because she has a big clitoris. I can just imagine it now on Geraldo..."Women Who Have Clitoris Envy and the Men Who Love Them". Now I know that women have boob envy, but I don't think they have nearly the issues that men have.

Like most of gay culture, we categorize and have labels (and I don't mean Prada or Dolce and Gabanna). Now this is ironic, as a majority of us don't like to be labeled a stereotype. Here are some of the terms I have heard in the last few years though:

Size Queen- as you would expect...these men only want men who are endowed with massive penises. Defining massive is of course subjective, but as one size queen put it..."If you tell me it's longer than 9 inches and it isn't, I'll yank on it till it is."

Rice Queen-A gay man who is attracted to Asian men.

Dairy Queen-A man who has a fetish for other men's nipples.

Matza Queen-A man who has a thing for Jewish men. Often found hanging out at the Jewish community centers and temples.

Drag Queen-A man who dresses in women's clothing and looks fabulous. If you want to piss him off...smear his make up after he's worked on it for hours. Tell tale sign when he is out of makeup...shaved eyebrows.

Drama Queen-Has taken the saying "All the world's a stage" and made it true. Often found in a predicament that even Lucy and Ethel wouldn't find themselves in.

Is anyone noticing a royalty theme??

Circuit Boy-Has a body fat % that would make a body builder jealous, but has the unfortunate lifestyle of a junkie. Knows exactly how much "swirl", "tina", "X" it takes to put him over the edge. Wakes up after a circuit party wondering exactly who he may have slept with (ok...so I have bit of disdain for these types)

Chubby Chaser-Commonly found cruising McDonald's and Baskin and Robins for future husbands. They like body fat...and sometimes quite a bit of it. Once you've tried fat...you ain't ever going back.

Roid Droid- A dangerous fellow. Pumps his body with enough steroids that stepping on his toe could get you knocked out.

Twinky-Age range of 18 to 23ish, yet has the body mass of a 12 year old. Think little boy with the sex drive of a teenager...and you can imagine all the problems they can run into.

Bug Chaser-Absolutely deplorable chap that wants to catch HIV.

Fag Hag-We all know them. What would Will be without Grace? This woman goes with her gay buddy to the gay bar, introduces him around, and dances away until closing time. She then goes home alone, and calls her friend for breakfast to see who he went home with.