No more tears?
Well I've talked about love on this blog before...so it is only right to talk about the other side of the coin. What happens when you fall out of love? I have my reasons for writing this, as I personally know of someone about to face this challenge and I'm not sure what to tell her.
She has been in a long term relationship with the same person over the past 9 years. This is her first love, and for a very long time, she felt that this man was perfect for her. Plans were made, lives became intertwined, his and her friends became "their" friends, and they were commonly referred to as "JohnandYoko" instead of "John" and "Yoko" (obviously these names are changed). Families know each other and nobody (except me) has been told or has seen their problems.
However over the past two years, things have changed. Sexual Intimacy between the two of them has stopped happening altogether, and even though she and he say the words "I love you" she realizes that things have changed for her. She feels that she loves him as a friend now. She still cares deeply for him, but he does not fulfill her needs completely.
This is a bit unfamiliar territory for me as usually when a relationship has ended for me, we both had very good intuition that it was about to happen and the minute one of us said the words "We need to talk", the pressure was lifted and we hugged and said goodbye.
In her case, he is beginning to talk marriage, and having children. She realizes that this is not what needs to happen, but she is also worried on so many different levels. She worries about disappointing his parents, losing "their" friends, the fact that they have joint financial debts that will need to be worked out.
She's afraid to break up with him, as being alone in your 30's is a lot different than being alone in your 20's. She feels guilty wondering what people will think of her when she announces her decision. And most importantly, she dreads hurting the man she is involved with. And when I asked her why would she want to remain in the relationship, she can't give me a very good answer, so she understands that she is only holding him back as well.
She actually wishes he would cheat on her, so she can just blame it on him and end it, or that he would take the move and say it's over. When she looks at him, she sees nothing but a close friend anymore, and it makes it hard for her to look at him in the eye.
So she keeps getting a song stuck in her head.
It's raining, it's pouring
My lovelife is boring me to tears, after all these years
No sunshine, no moonlight, no stardust, no sign of romance
We don't stand a chance
I've always dreamed I found the perfect lover
But he turned out to be like every other man
Our love, our love
Raining (raining)
Pouring (pouring)
There's nothing left for us here
And we won't waist another tear
If you've had enough, don't put up with his stuff, don't you do it
If you've had your fill, get the check pay the bill, you can do it
Tell him to just get out,
Nothing left to talk about
Pack his raincoat show him out
Just look him in the eye and simply shout:
Enough is enough
I can't go on, I can't go on no more no
Enough is enough
I want him out, I want him out that door now
Enough is enough
That's enough
If you've reached the end, don't pretend that is right when it's over
(it's over)
If the feeling is gone don't think twice just move on, get it over
(over, over)
Tell him to just get out, say it clearly, spell it out:
Enough is enough is enough
I can't go on, I can't go on no more no
Enough is enough is enough
I want him out, I want him out that door now
Enough is enough
That's enough
I've always dreamed to find the perfect lover,
But he turns out to be like every other man
Our love (I had no choice from the start)
Our love (I've gotta listen to my heart)
Our love (Tearing us apart)
Enough is enough is enough
I can't go on, I can't go on no more no
Enough is enough is enough
I want him out, I want him out that door now
Enough is enough
That's enough
No more tears (No more tears)
Enough is enough is enough is enough is enough is enough
I've had it, you've had it he's had it, we've had is
I always dreamed I find the perfect lover,
But he turned out to be like every other man
I had no choice from the start
I've gotta listen to my heart
Tearing us apart
Enough is enough is enough
I can't go on, I can't go on no more no
Enough is enough is enough
I want him out, I want him out that door now
Goodbye mister, goodbye, goodbye mister
Goodbye sugar
It's raining, it's pouring,
There's nothing left for us here
And we won't waist another tear
No more tears
Is enough is enough is enough is enough is enough is enough is enough
Is enough!
I know some of your stories, and some of you have been divorced, so what are your thoughts on this? How does it end gracefully? Can it end gracefully?
