Random thoughts for a Friday

• Monica Lewinski got a $1 million book deal for writing a book about sucking off the president. I on the other hand am lucky if I get dinner and a movie....or sometimes even a phone call. I should have been a woman.



• Brittany Spears gets married as a "joke". If that was a joke...I say make the stupid chick laugh in divorce court while her childhood friend demands alimony! And she feels she is a role model for young girls. Face it...Brittany boobs is a marketing concept gone sick.



• If a man speaks in the woods, and no woman is around to hear him...is he still wrong?



• People run their credit cards and bills up to enormous balances and then declare bankruptcy. Why can't the US Government do this with the budget deficit?



• The woman that got $4 million for suing Mcdonalds after spilling hot coffee in her crotch. I wish I had thought of that before wasting all those years in college



• We spend our lifetime pulling our underwear out of the crack of our ass....WHY WOULD WE WEAR A THONG AND INTENTIONALLY PUT THE UNDERWEAR UP IN THERE?



• The idea of aerobic exercise is to get our heart rates up, but cigarettes and coffee do this already.



• Men have all the power and all the money, but women can have as many orgasms as they want. I'd say it's a fair trade off. Once again...I should have been a woman.



• The reason why conservatives don't want gays to marry is that they realize the ugly bridesmaid dress businesses will have to close.



• Why do I keep getting spam mail saying that my penis size can be increased if I've never had any complaints. Who forwarded my name?



• Donald Trump...bad haircut...or bad comb over?



• Was the Viagra pill colored blue to allude to "blue balls"?



• You have to kiss a lot of frogs in order to find your prince charming. This was why I bought stock in Chapstick. My dating life alone has cause the stock to split.



• Why is it when I tell some people that I am gay, they will mention other friends who are gay and ask if I know them? "I'm sorry...I'll have to check the membership directory. When did he last pay his dues?"



• Ever notice that "Valium" and "Mother" have the same amount of letters in them. THAT IS INTENTIONAL.



• Would it help my dating life if I advertised in the paper that my bed has a "Space for Rent"?



• I suffer from foot and mouth disease. The minute I see a cute gay man, I insert my foot into my mouth.



• It's not the size of the wand, but rather the magic of the wizard.



• For the amount of money I would need to pay monthly to get health insurance, I'd be better off just going to the doctor when I am sick.



• Football...men jumping on top of other men and knocking them to the ground....and they call me gay?