Suicide Saturday

Last night during the bowling league, I asked Doug (a podiatrist) if he would be willing to prescribe an antibiodic for me as I believed I may now have a sinus infection. For those of you who don't live in Ohio...it is impossible to live here and not get a sinus infection. I've been in the state for 5 years and had never had one till I moved here. Now...every other year...another infection.


So I am pumping my body with antibiodics as of this morning, and driving all over the city to run some errands. I haven't admitted to anyone what these errands were for, but since dear readers...you don't know me in person yet (although I say we have a big meet and greet at Brent's home) I'm going to tell you and let you reserve your judgement as to weather I am nuts, I should up my Paxil prescription, or if I am getting the closure I deserve.

The friend I had over the summer, Jeff, is having his birthday in a few days (1/26). When we were friends over the summer, we spent nearly every single day together (and spoke on the phone the days we didn't see each other). So when he found someone new in his life and just stopped talking to me, well it crushed me in ways I can't describe. I lost faith in most people and took some serious self esteem hits. I've moved on since...and I pity him in some ways as he lost a friend (me) that would have stuck with him through most anything.

So today, as I turn my computer on, it reminds me that his birthday is coming up and I remember what he wanted from our conversations in the summer. He has a set of glasses that he wanted the matching "cocktail" and "iced tea" sizes for. So I took a trip to Crate and Barrel for one set, and the World Market for the other set. Why am I doing this???....I'm not sure. I don't plan on seeing him and my intentions are to mail it with a simple card that says only Happy Birthday. What do I expect to happen? One of three things:

1. He'll accept the package, and I won't hear from him (most likely).


2. He'll accept the package and he'll contact me via email (I'd bet my yearly paycheck he doesn't have my number anymore)


3. He'll send the package back

So all day I've been trying to figure out why I am doing this, and I think it may have to do with closure on my part. If he was to contact me, well I don't want to talk to him...it's been too much and it would only hurt me. Any apologies on his part would be only out of guilt...not sincereness. I think I just want to sen this as a way of saying...I quit. You are out of my life. I am sick of wondering what the hell I did to piss you off, and have realized that it is you that has the problem and not me. Take these glasses, and remember where they came from, becuase that is all you will ever get from me again.

So am I crazy to do this...or am I getting closure here? I'm mailing this package on Tuesday....so any and all of your opinions will be considered in this one. (NOTE: If I decide to not send these...there is a space available in my cabinets for them right now)