Cowardice
One of the things I learned from another standup comic I've worked with is that most of your material comes from observing others. With that in mind, I try to pay attention to things that happen around me. A few odd things have happened this weekend that I found interesting.
I went to Steph's annual Groundhog's day party, which is her version of Christmas. Many of the people there I have met in some way or another over the prior year, but some people I didn't recognize at all. One woman said hello to me and mentioned my name...and I couldn't remember hers. I hate that. I've only seen her once before, but that time we didn't speak to each other, and I only observed her behavior in front of others.
Upon arriving, I saw Michele talking to a guy I've never seen before. She did the introductions (I found out later that he is the brother of the woman who said hi to me), and he asked her "is this the Patrick you were telling me about?" No explanation to me as what was said. It always makes me wonder...what was said? I always imagine the worst as well. "Patrick...oh he's the guy with the 7 inch scar on his ass, who is carrying around some serious emotional baggage from this past summer. He's a stand up comic who has a crazy mother that gives him sexual advice on a regular basis. He's also standing right there..." Color me paranoid...it's in my nature.
My buddy Shamus came to the party as well, which was nice as I'd like to merge my friends a bit more over the next few months. Expand my circles, consolidate and then when I have my next party...look out. Way too many people in my house and I can finish off the Vodka, Gin, and mixers.
Went to the art supply store and picked up some acrylics for a piece I've been working on. Got home...around noon and fell asleep. Woke up around 5 not having done any work around the house (especially Mt. Laundry....How is it that I can make so many dirty clothes?). My neighbor Joyce and I went to the open house of our former neighbors Mike and Jim. These were the guys who helped me find the house I'm living in now. I miss them as neighbors, since the people that bought their old house just aren't very friendly.
Mike and Jim's new house...amazing what they've done with it. I'm only a little jealous as they do make the perfect little couple. They are cute together and compliment each other well, with one's strength being the other's weakness.
Volleyball matches! I'm a little unsure of this team at times. This is a recreational league, but I am sensing a bit of animosity and resentment when we aren't winning the game. Some of us are "playing to win". For example...I've decided to try serving overhand, as I want to learn how to do this. My Team mate told me to continue an underhand serve. This seems weak to me and puts me in a position of being a weaker player. I have my own agenda...play to learn. I've never learned how to play this game, and I want to learn how to server overhand, and spike the ball.
There were some other things that happened this weekend, but those things aren't important right now, or are personal enough that I'll keep them to myself.
What surprised me was something I've never noticed before, but noticed during my observations this weekend. We humans are cowards (some more than others). We are so afraid of saying something that may hurt someone, that we won't speak at times. We avoid confrontation at all cost, and when we make a mistake....we are usually the last to admit that we've made it.
But more importantly, we are afraid of making mistakes, or humiliating ourselves, or facing what could be a difficult situation. I myself have a hard time approaching someone I find attractive.
So I'm off to see the wizard today in hopes that he can give me a little more courage to fail with dignity than to not try at all.
