How Hard it can Get
Something I find fascinating is putting off and finally ending a relationship. Now ending a relationship is never easy, and as my very near and dear friend Brian told me, it never is the right time. I couldn't agree more. Every month seems to have a holiday or event that you don't want to ruin for the other person.
- Janurary? No...I don't want to ruin his new year.
- February?....It's Valentines day...that's bad.
- March? St. Patrick's day.
- April? That's usually Easter.
- May...Memorial day.
- June...Gay pride day.
- July...Independence day.
- August...end of summer sports banquets.
- September...Labor day.
- October...Halloween.
- November...Thanksgiving.
- December...Christmas.
Obviously no matter when you break up with someone, it just ain't pretty. Of course, from what I have observed, men and women break up entirely differently.
How women end relationships
- Purchase six pints of Ben and Jerry's ice cream (all flavors except Chubby Hubby...as that can be a reminder to the failed relationship).
- Call all of her friends, and tell them that she has decided to end the relationship. Make plans with all the friends so that they will all be near the phone once the breakup takes place. (Each friend will be in charge of preparing the necessary items of Margaritas, fuzzy blankets, chocolates, and a box of tissues).
- Rent Thelma and Louise to watch after breakup with friends.
- Call man and say that you want to meet him for dinner at a restaurant. This restaurant will be nice, not too loud, and fairly populated, without having a wait for a table.
- Arrive at restaurant, conservatively dressed, no cleavage showing!
- Hug him when he arrives, sit down and say the words "We need to talk".
- Ensure that you say "It's not you...It's me"
- Hug goodbye, call girlfriends, and when you arrive home, begin eating ice cream and watching movie. Cry with each girlfriend as they arrive at your house.
- Wait one month before having a girls night out
- At six weeks, she can begin dating once again, but only if one of her girlfriends actually knows the guy
How men end relationships
- Begin by telling your friends when you go out that she is a bitch who nags you all the time. Give examples.
- Go to a strip club, pay for a lap dance.
- Forget to return her phone calls when she calls you. If you are home and her number comes up on the caller ID, don't answer it. If you do by accident, tell her you were leaving to go out with your friends.
- Forget her birthday
- Call out another woman's name during sex.
- Put on women's perfume before coming home (A kind that isn't one the current girl wears).
- Have sex with her sister or best friend.
- Deny it when she confronts you on it, and lie about the event ever happening, even when she shows you the pictures.
- Get drunk with friends and hit on strippers at strip club.
- Go out and begin hitting on new women two days after breakup.
On my lunch hour today I was french kissed by a man! This is the best tongue action I've had in a while, which some may think is pretty sad, but this guy was a giver, and wanted nothing more than to show me how much he cared about me. Of course, we had just met. I posted his picture below.
