Losing my Virginity

I'm sitting here in my office chair, having recently lost my virginity (like 5 minutes ago), experiencing the tremors, the slight sick feeling in my stomach, and wiping the sticky white powder from around my lips. Yes...I had never eaten Girl Scout Cookies before today, and this morning I polished off a box of Lemon Coolers.

Sweet mother of Jesus...where have these things been all my life? I opened the box, and upon placing the first powder sugar coated morsel into my mouth, something overtook my senses, and I started to eat them like a voted off cast member of Survivor. The first 15 went down in one bite each, no chewing necessary, only the sucking of the sugar, which melted the pastry into a soft paste that could easily be swallowed.

It was the final 15 that I began to savor, the artificial lemon flavoring tantalizing my tastebuds, the calories moving straight to my posterior, increasing the size of what some would call the "Juicy Booty", or as I like to call it...my "African Ass".

It is as I sit on my cushion for pushin' that the pure sugar hit my system. This is what small children feel like when the have a coke (and a smile....who the hell ever thought up that crappy ad campaign?). If I didn't know better I'd think my mother made a batch of her "special" brownies. We feed our children this stuff on a regular basis?

We Americans eat 16 pounds of sugar a year (I feel like I ate that today), and at the same time wonder why obesity is so prevalent in our society. We jump onto fad diets (like Adkins...eat all the bacon you want...you'll be thin with heart disease) and all marketing campaigns are geared to losing weight without having to exercise. Personally I like to exercise, and had only recently took a few months to work on some other things in my life. I'm actually looking forward to getting back to it again.

Now before people start sending me hate mail saying "you've never been overweight" or "Adkins works", I have been overweight. I came back from Africa, and was told by my oncologist that I needed to put on weight very quickly. I responded by eating anything I shouldn't normally eat. By the time I had my next appointment, my doctor told me I needed to lose weight...and a lot of it. I tipped the scales at 230, putting me into the clinically obese territory (I prefer fantastically fat!). (I weigh 155 right now)

I lost it, by doing it the hard way...exercising like a mad man, and watching what I ate. I've learned how to eat right, and will spluge at times, but I've been maintaining, and that is important to me. So yes...I have issues with fad diets...because they generally prey upon people that feel hopeless.

So in the meantime, I'll be at the gym tonight, working off this box of sugar hell that is causing my legs to shake "like a Polaroid picture".