Truth in Advertising

I don't watch too much tv, as I hate the brain drain it causes. However when I do watch television, I love watching the commericals, and seeing how much they blatantly lie to the viewer. It makes me wonder, if advertising had to tell the truth, what it would sound like.

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Massengill Douches
What they say:
Daughter: Mom...lately I just don't feel so fresh.
Mother: You need Massengill, with the bendable applicator that will allow you to feel light as a summer's breeze!

The Truth:
Daughter: Mom...I sat down today and got a big old wiff of stank. I think I have crotch rot.
Mom: Good lord child...I could smell you the minute you came up to me. If you can't keep clean at least mask the smell with a douche. Then you can smell like an italian salad!

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Virginia Slim Cigarettes
What they say:
"You've come a long way baby!"

The Truth:
Feed the addiction!

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AllState Insurance
What they say:
You're in good hands with Allstate.

The Truth:
Term life insurance...guaranteed to rip you off.

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Cattleman's Beef Council
What they say:
Beef. It's what for dinner

The Truth:
Beef...one dead cow closer to a coronary.