Mama Said Knock You Out!
Since I usually write about other peoples embarassing moments, I figured it was only fair if I wrote about one of my own for a change. In my life, I have been knocked unconcious three times in my life.
The first time, I was skiing in a competition and duing a bad jump, I landed badly and hit my head in the fall. I came to seconds later with a massive headache and a broken ankle. End of that ski season.
The second time was when I joined the Hocking College Olympics. The recreation division recruited a staff team to play. My job in the event that knocked me out was to run backwards across the gymnasium, blow up a balloon, tie a not in the opening, sit on the balloon and pop it, and then backwards to the starting line for the next teamate to run. I ended up falling backwards and cracking the back of my head open...and needing 5 stitches.
The most recent time though is the most embarassing, and obviously the most funny. I was at work, not this current employer, and had just gotten back from lunch at an Italian restaurant. That of course means GARLIC on everything. Now I admit it...I am a garlic fanatic, and unfortunatly that day, I had the garlic pasta surprise...and the breath I had was just short of morning breath. Thus I called it Death Breath.
Since the job I was working required that I meet with customers, I decided a little mouthwash was in order (I kept a bottle in my desk for Italian emergencies). I took a swig of the artificially green colored oral antiseptic and my mouth was flooded with that all too familiar overpowering mint flavor. That same flavor that makes you wonder if it would have been smarter to just have lived with Death Breath and offended a few clients.
As swished the liquid in my mouth, I walked over to the bathroom, planning on relieving the bladder and spitting out the mouthwash. I walked into the florescent lit room, passed the mirrors and sinks (my big mistake) and made my way over to the white porcelin urinal. I unzipped, and started urinating, feeling superior with my time management skills of using mouthwash and urinating at the same time. And then it happened. The minty liquid backwashed into my nasal passages, and I suddenly had to sneeze...immediately. Now some of you may not know this, but when you sneeze, your body closes all orfices to protect itself. In other words, you can't sneeze while urinating becuase you likely blow your asshole out. Before I knew it, I contracted my kegal muscle, stopped urinating instantly and sneezed a massive sneeze.
Green liquid sprayed out of my nose and face all over the white urinal. As the sneeze took over, my abdominal muscles contracted, and I bent forward (which is only natural) and slammed my head on the flushing mechanism of the urinal. I hit that cold metal hard enough that I knocked myself unconcious and fell to the floor. It couldn't get worse right?...It did. When a person is knocked unconcious, they loose control of bodily functions. So as I fell to the floor unconcious, Patrick Junior hanging out the zipper, I urinated all over myself.
I awoke as my coworker walked into the bathroom. I was sent home (which I gladly accepted out of humiliation), where I took a few days off to regain my dignity. Of course I don't work there anymore, and this could be why.
