Practically Joking
While surfing through my daily blogs (a list that is growing larger and larger lately), I noticed that someone mentioned about practical jokes. I started reviewing my prior posts, and was shocked that I have never posted anything about the practical jokes I have played. Since I haven't mentioned it before...I am a serious practical joker. I don't like doing anything mean, but I am the fan of "Con" games and love pulling the wool over people's eyes.
The year was 1996, I had just met my Ex John, and we lived in separate apartments in Denver, Colorado. It was our first few months together and John was working on his first graduate degree while I was making my way through the comedy circuit, going on tour, and living the life of a gypsy. I was also finishing the last year of college ala correspondence classes. Generally...life was very hectic. To blow off steam I used to like to surprise John. Actually surprise implies something pleasant. I used to like to scare John. It was this mean streak that allowed me to plan the mother of all scares on Halloween.
The background story. John had gone to one those advertised haunted house events that local organizations put on during Halloween of 93. His friend Valerie had taken him, and was shocked to see how nervous John was in the line, and several times he tried to convince her to not go in the haunted house. When they finally went in, he buried his face into the back of her shirt, and kept that way until she could see the exit. At that point, he relaxed and started to walk normally...until the chainsaw went off. The last scare of the haunted house was a guy in a hockey mask who turned on a chainsaw behind you as people were walking to the exit. In John's own words," I blacked out and just ran out of the building as fast as I could!" His friend Valerie filled in the details. When the chainsaw went off, John's color drained from his face. He opened his mouth to shriek, but no sound came out. Before she could grab a hold of him, he started to run, pushing the two smaller children who were in front of him, knocking the little girl over. Valerie stopped to help her back up, and with that story...I knew I had the ultimate prank.
I called my friend Corisa and asked her for her help in the matter. As I laid out the plans for the event, her voice showed concern for her own safety, as she knew he might get really angry. I promised to take full responsibility, and the plans were set. Since John was a creature of habit, and a very sound sleeper, we were able to pull off the prank very easily.
On the night before Halloween, John mentioned that he was fully expecting me to pull a prank on him. I just smiled and said "I would never do that!" He went to bed at 11:00 and at midnight, I snuck up and let Corisa into the house. We put fake sticky spider webs in the bedroom doorway and then Corisa went to sleep on the sofa.
6:00 AM: Halloween, the alarm clock goes off. John hits the snooze button, as he did every day. Corisa heard the alarm and went into the bathroom and hid behind John's black shower curtain. She had put on a hockey mask and had a chainsaw with her. (yes...I know...we are going to hell for this prank)
6:10 AM: The alarm clock goes off for a second time. John wakes up, mumbles good morning (and I am trying hard not to laugh at this point), gets up, scratches his butt through his boxer shorts, and walks towards the bathroom. As he walks through the fake spider webbing, he screams out and wipes his face several times trying to get the webbing off. I burst out laughing as he chastises me. The last thing he said to me that morning was "funny prank...Ha...Ha...Ha" in a sarcastic tone. It was the last thing he said to me for a month.
Grumbling under his breath, he walked into his bathroom. Lifted the seat and urinated in the toilet. Quick flush and he reached in behind the shower curtain to turn on the shower. Corisa was ready for him. As he reached in, she pulled the starter cord and started up what can only be described as the most obnoxious sound you can ever possibly hear. John let out a shriek of terror that was in such an octave that dogs in China could have heard him. It sounded like a little girl was being murdered in the bathroom, rather than a 26 year old man about to have a heart attack.
Corisa raised up the saw and started to saw through the shower curtain, and that truly was all it took for John's feet to take action. With the force of 10 human beings full of adrenalin, John bolted out of the bathroom door, across the hallway, and through open the front door, where he ran outside, down the steps and half the way down the block with me chasing after him, holding a jacket and shoes. John was still only wearing his boxers.
When I caught up to him, I explained that it was a Halloween prank, and that was when his anger set in. We walked back to the apartment with me laughing all the way, and as we got into the doorway, Corisa took his picture. That picture had to be destroyed as John threatened bodily harm if I ever show it. I'll have to find it and scan it now that we aren't together.
So if you ever hear a high pitched scream, and dogs all around you start howling...know that I have struck again.
