Reclaiming Myself

Friday already huh? Where does the week go?

Last night I took a major step in a right direction, and it scares the crap out of me. I usually spend the evening writing whatever I plan on posting the next day, or whatever I am planning on using in the next show. Last night I confronted an issue of mine.

I have had a permanent residence in the land of denial. In fact...my mail is currently delivered there. Last night, I moved to the land of acceptance and confronted something I didn't really want to confront, and reclaimed a little of my life back. As my mentor and friend Carmen has said to me..."baby steps...baby steps." Change is good and necessary, but with change comes fear. Fear of the unknown and what you make it out to be. That being said...whatever we picture in our head as a worst case scenario usually is not anywhere near the actual reality of the situation.

Issue number 5 has been tackled...994 more to go!


I read the Crunch's post and am a little guilty. I know that I brought his mood down a bit when we were talking on the phone. It wasn't my intention, but it did put him in a sad place. This makes me both sad and secretly happy. Sad that my mood made him feel bad, but secretly happy as I realize that I can have a connection with someone so far away and have an effect on him. I know this sounds manipulative, but it says that maybe this "thing" (I won't say "relationship" as that is a very scary word) is as important to him as it is becoming to me.

Spoke to Shamus a bit today, and we are going to try to meet for a bit this weekend, and see what kind of ruckus we can make.

Fear could really be setting in soon here. My softball league is going to be having a "bachelor" auction and I am on the block. I can't think of anything that makes me more apprehensive than having a few hundred people "judge" my looks and bid on me. I can see my self esteem falling in relation to the falling of the bids. By the time the mallet falls, my self worth will probably be in the pits of hell.

I wonder if I can find an apartment in the land of Denial?