Whatever You Do...Don't Eat The Butter

Today for some reason, I'm having a horrible time coming up with something to write, so I decided maybe I should write about things we do when we should be working. But since I am *ahem* working diligently today, I'm having to compose this on my lunch hour.

Video Games - I see more people playing video games at work than I care to admit. Biggest offenders are the games section of MSN, and POPCAP. I have actually heard a woman at another desk curse because she lost her score when the power flashed.

Shopping - While at worked at my last company, I worked right next to the mail drop. Each day someone was getting packages from Land's End, Nordstrom, Eddie Bower, Gap, and Banana Republic (maybe this company just paid their workers too well???). Even here, I see people shopping and having their products delivered to the office.

Personal Hygiene - This is not limited to people using the whitening strips on their teeth (I'm guilty of that today), painting their toe nails and finger nails, brushing their teeth, and one guy who felt the need to put on cologne as often as I do before a first date.

Internet Porn - Lets just say, you would be surprised what the boss' secretary looks at when nobody is looking.

The Dirty Deed - And this last bit cracks me up and repulses me at the same time. Sex at work. Yes I admit it, when I worked at a prior job, I have had to "take care of personal business" while working by myself on a Saturday. Yeah...I know men are pigs...whatever...like you wouldn't do it if you knew you could get away with it. Spanking the monkey, playing with the pud, yanking the crank, spit polishing the knob....if our employers just gave us a scheduled time to get off we would all be so much more productive. I know I would. Now I know that it might be difficult to schedule a break like that when I'm doing stage work, so I would be willing to put that off, but for the 8-10 hour a day jobs? Come on...Men think about sex every 30 seconds. Do you realize how hard it can get (pun intended) over 10 hours?

Well this weekend, a friend told me while drinking a cosmopolitan (actually that should be plural) about a work place sexual act that he experienced. He and the man he was involved with were in the office on a Saturday evening and things proceeded to get a bit amorous....ah hell...they were hot for each other. Well unfortunately with gay men...we generally need a little lubricant in order to have sex (if you don't know why...don't ask...you aren't ready or old enough to know). Well at this point the two of them were pretty desperate, and the one guy grabbed a stick of butter from the office fridgerator and rubbed that in the place that needed it. The act over, they cleaned up and went home, where they spooned romantically and enjoyed the rest of the weekend.

Tuesday, my friend realized, he never asked where his boyfriend had thrown the butter out after their use. He boyfriend answered with "I just put in back in the fridge on the butter dish." I don't know about you, but I will never eat anything from the office fridge again, and I think I want to start working from home.

Sex happens at the work place. We know it does, or we wouldn't hear about all those extra marital affairs that happen between office co-workers.