Going Public
Obviously I scared some of you in yesterday's post. It wasn't my intention, but rather just something I had to put to paper, sort of a release from something that had a hold of me. As a writer, I've found that sometimes you need respond to the ghosts that haunt you. In my case, it was a big haunting...but I'm not afraid of them anymore.
When I first started this blog last year, my intention was to make it an online journal, and keep it private. The reason why I started it was because I could type faster than I could hand write, and I spent nearly every single day on the computer, so it was easy to keep up with this.
And keeping it private was fairly easy. Nobody was told about it, including the most instrumental people in my life. I was getting what I needed out of it, and nobody was ever hurt from it.
However, something changed over the summer, when my old agent contacted me, saying that she had been reading my website. I hadn't gone public with this in any way, but I was googled as "Patrick Doyle Comic", and she found it. As for my old agent, well she was looking to see if I was still doing comedy, as I made her some money when I was at my best.
She was the one who suggested I go public with this, and I'm not sure if I regret it or not. I've met some incredible bloggers, and have exposed myself to the viewpoints I may not have considered (Dorothy and Brent...it will be a cold day in Hell before I vote for Bush). But people I wouldn't trust further than I can throw have been reading this site as well. Those same people have misinterpreted my words, or in the case of one person, specifically thought I was writing about her (contrary to what you think...you're not THAT special).
I've had people request that I not write about them, which has never been a problem and when asked I give them that courtesy. This blog isn't about them, but rather me, the things I see in life, and the people and events that have made an impact.
Somewhere along the time of inception, this blog became less about me, and more about my audience (and at over 200 hits a day...you are a large audience). I began to self censor. I deleted old potentially offensive posts, and tried to make sure that anything I wrote couldn't be considered offensive by those that read this. And...well it wasn't as fun.
If I don't censor myself on stage (and I don't),why should I censor myself on this site. Onstage, my performance is just that...a performance. I laugh, I hit on the serious subjects, and through it all, I keep it true to my own feelings and observations. I've told my most humiliating experiences, and laughed with an audience about them, and that laughter has made those experiences less painful.
And that was I think why I wrote what I did yesterday. It was time to get off my chest something that has been there for a very long time. Will it go away...probably not, but it was something I was tired of being ashamed of, and more importantly, something I was finished letting have power over me.
On a lighter note (see...I'm not all doom and gloom...yeah...right), I am in the works of getting a radio commercial for a Pittsburgh Jewelry store. My last radio spot was for the Shane Company in Denver Colorado. For some reason, I must sound like the guy who is ready to get married. If all goes well, this could pay for my living room sofa I've been trying to get.
