Spending Time on My Knees Fondling Balls

Take me out to the ball game!

Gay softball season has officially arrived!!!!!! Woooo Hooo. First games of the season. I'm playing on the Flowerville Wildcats! We'll decorate your house while we scratch your eyes out.

The results.
Game #1-10:00 am. Cancelled, because Ohio is still under about 3' of water in some places. Personally, I wanted to play in the mud, but that may just be the piggy in me wanting to roll around with all the gay boys. Hmmmmm...I sense a fantasy coming to mind here.

Game #2-12:20 PM. Opponent...The women with yellow shirts (I don't know their team name yet) who were last year appropiately named "The Lady Bulls". My position for the game? Catcher! We lost 8-5.

So why gay softball? Last year was the first time I picked up a bat since I was 6 years old. I had never even owned a mitt before (did you know that a mitt goes on the "wrong" hand, so you can throw the ball with your good arm?). Last season I knew I would suck (keep your comments to yourself people).

The league consists of 4 types of people.

• The frat boy types that played sports in high school while remaining closeted - those same boys did spend a lot of time showering after the games.
  
• The guys who avoided sports in school - (I'm one of them) we came out of the closet earlier...so we got laid more often.
  
• The Breeders - These people are our "straight but not narrow" group, that join teams to have fun on a league. Usually found wearing T-shirts that say "sorry boys...I eat pussy", they are supportive and do not tolerate anyone calling anyone else the "F" word. These people will also be the first to cheer on the queen who gets his first hit ever.
  
• The lesbians - The powerful force never to be reckoned with. These Womyn kick ass, and mortal men everywhere fear them. Even the smallest of them can crack a ball (NO PUN INTENDED) clear out to center field. A softball thrown by a lesbian resembles a cannon ball being shot from a cannon.
  

So as we prepared for our game, we got to watch another team "Twist-ed Sisters" (sponsored by Twist bar) consisting of 17 gay men between the ages of 24 and 37.
Eneey, Meanie, Miney, Ho!
Which of these homos do I want to blow?
Take him home and make him scream,
Half of those boys are the men in my dreams!

Once their game was finished, we were up to play. Our Umpire was Mr. "Likes Them Young". This umpire used to do everything he could to touch Jeff's legs last year. He is a great umpire to have if you are looking for a few mercy calls and have a male catcher. All you have to do is flirt with him...which I can do easily. "How do you possibly manage all those balls at one time? *giggle*" Of course...sticking my ass out with the umpire behind me might have helped. He called a few balls strikes, and I kept asking for his advice. And yes...he told me he likes to see me squat. (I need a shower now...I feel dirty.)

Post game, sat around at the local bar and spoke to the Twist-ed Sisters. For those of you who don't know, get 15 gay men who are friends together, and it is a lot like Sex in the City. These team has switched partners more often than Michael Jackson has had plastic surgery! The majority of the team has slept with someone else on the team, and as the beer was flowing, the catty remarks started coming forth.

• "Mary...its been so long since you had sex that if you put a piece of coal up there you'd get a diamond back!"
  
• "Girllll...you need some heavier shoes to keep your legs out of the air"
  
• "You think I have nice legs? You should see when they are wrapped around your waist" (ok...I said that one)
  

I love just watching those interactions, and every once in a while participating in them. People who know me can attest, I am a shameless flirt. And my flirtations combined with alcohol have created stories that people will talk about for years (my last ski trip, the 18 year old boy, the tequila night of hell), but I am promising this.

I will not have sex with anyone on the league this summer. Wait...that's a lot of people...and a long season. How about, I will not have sex with 1/2 the league for the summer (thus eliminating all the lesbians and straight people), or anyone on my current team.

You know...that really isn't a good idea either. We do have a cute new guy who doesn't know any of my flirtation stories...