Lying with Dogs

This past Friday, I ran into a guy that I had met before. Previously, he had led me to believe that he was single, but on Friday, he was out with his boyfriend. It surprised me, but just confirmed something I already knew. Men lie!

Ladies, I know I am preaching to the choir here, but how can you tell a man is lying? His lips are moving. Men lie all the time, and the larger the tale, the more outrageous, the more they expect you to believe it. Well I'm here to explain once and for all why men do this. Men lie for the same reason a dog licks his balls...because he can. Men lie because they want something, be it sex, food, or the TV remote (and really...what else motivates us?). And gay men are the worst, because we incorporate that lying with what we learned from our female friends...being catty! We lie about others in hopes that you will hate them as much as we do. "oh that guy...you think he's hot?,...I guess...but he has genital warts."

Now, Could you imagine if women started lying like men?

• Well honey...the reason I didn't meet you for dinner was because...we'll see, Jennifer called, and she broke up with her boyfriend, so I had to take her out, as she was so depressed. So we went to the Roxy, and had just sat down and had our drinks served, when the lights dimmed and they started a male strip show. Now I know that you don't like me going to those shows, and I told Jennifer we had to leave right away, so I pulled out my credit card to pay, but after 20 minutes, the waitress still hadn't come around. Now I couldn't very well walk out of the place without paying, so I figured I would pay cash. I grabbed a $20 bill out of my purse, and was holding it out, asking Jennifer is she had any change, when the stripper thought I was going to tip him. So he grabbed me and started to hicky my neck, which was how I got this hicky, until I pushed him away. Now I wasn't sure he would believe me that I wasn't interested in him, so I said it was JENNIFER that I was interested in, and put my arms around her and gave her a long kiss. And while I was kissing her, the stripper walked away, and I realized that although I liked kissing Jennifer, it wasn't as good as kissing you, and I would have enjoyed it more had you been watching. Maybe another time...
  
  
• Wow...that was great honey...you are the best. I'm so glad I waited until I met you.
  
  
• Why do I have a profile online? Uhh...well you see, I was thinking wouldn't it be fun if I created a sexy alter ego profile that said I was single and looking, knowing that when you got the credit card receipt, you would find out I had a profile, look it up, and then could hit on me like the day we first met.
  
  
• I love spending time with your mother, and would love to spend valentines day at her house for dinner.
  
  
• No honey...I'm not on my period at all, so you can go down on me.