Getting My Needs Met

Somewhat jaded...but self preserving.

I'm not a trusting person. I used to think I was, but a year of introspection has proven me wrong. Friends mean the world to me (mainly as they are my family as opposed to my blood relatives), but I don't share them with each other. I have several groups of friends, each who I can and do spend time with on any given night, but they have never met each other. And that is where my trust issue is located. To know all of my groups of friends, and to share all my activities, is to really know me.

Only one time have I introduced a friend into all of my groups of friends and hobbies, completely integrating him into my life and it went horribly wrong. In the wake I found myself censoring my life, pushing away those that had grown to know and like him, and ceasing the activities that we used to do together, even if I enjoyed them before the friendship. Water under the bridge, yada yada yada, it was a long time ago. But it does make me a little mad at myself for sharing that much in the first place.

I am always on the defense, always have been, and it's something I don't see changing anytime soon. Human beings are naturally greedy individuals, and our motivations are always driven by satisfying our needs. A person will only speak to you when they want something. It may be only to help you (and feel a sense of accomplishment at helping) or it may be to get laid, or it may be to satisfy their own need for friendship or companionship. It's up to you to decide if you want to satisfy their needs.