Have you seen my balls?

So Saturday night, I was out at our local "Babylon" style dance club, The Grid. My friend David and I were there, when I saw the absolute hottest guy. My friend David suggested I go and talk to him, and after drinking my beer, I decided to walk over there and say hello. Wearing jeans, no shirt, and with a tattoo across his back that I want to trace with my tongue.



I walked up, smiled at him (he smiled back) and said "Hi. I'm Patrick". He indicated that he couldn't hear me over the music, so I spoke using my outdoor voice "HI I'M PATRICK. I DON'T NORMALLY DO THIS, SO I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS. I THINK YOUR'RE A REALLY GOOD LOOKING GUY, AND I'D LIKE TO TAKE YOU TO DINNER OR SOMETHING. NOW WHEN I SAY 'OR SOMETHING' I DON'T MEAN STRAIGHT BACK TO MY BEDROOM. NOT THAT I WOULDN'T WANT TO TAKE YOU BACK TO MY BEDROOM, BECAUSE YOU ARE REALLY HOT, BUT I'VE MADE SOME CHANGES IN MY LIFE, AND REALIZE THAT I WANT SOMETHING A BIT MORE MEANINGFUL. IT'S SOMETHING I'VE BEEN WORKING WITH MY THERAPIST ON. I SHOULD PROBABLY TELL YOU A BIT ABOUT MYSELF HUH? I'M SINGLE, AS YOU NEVER KNOW THESE DAYS. NOT THAT I'VE HAVEN'T BEEN IN RELATIONSHIPS, BUT RATHER THAT I'M CHOOSY IN WHO I LET IN MY LIFE. I'VE LEARNED THAT I HAVE TO BE, AS MY EX CHEATED ON ME, AND THEN REACTED INDIGNANTLY WHEN I CONFRONTED HIM ON IT. BUT HE'S GONE OUT OF MY LIFE NOW AND I'M HAPPIER NOW. WELL SINCE YOUR DRINK IS EMPTY, WOULD YOU LIKE A NEW BEER?"

Christ...I should have just said "Nice shoes...wanna fuck?"

Ok...so it didn't go exactly like that, but it would have if I had gotten the courage to actualy go up to the guy. See I am a coward when it comes to approaching people I find attractive. I can perform in front of an audience of 800 people, I've posed nude for several photographers, and I've freaking jumped off a bridge in Zambia attached to only a rubber band, yet approaching someone I find attractive is absolutly the most mortifying thing for me. I usualy end up checking the guy out from a safe distance (like 40 feet away), only to turn back to my beer.

Sometimes I wonder how I ever get laid.

Any suggestions as to how to approach a hot guy in a club?