Hijacked!
A Guest Blogging 
This is Hot Toddy's Hijack!
Since Patrick can't blog from work anymore, I, Hot Toddy, have decided to hijack his blog for the day and post for him. Let's call it a blogging Jihad! I really don't think he would mind...do you? Just as I'm sure that Bobo, Rob Byrnes, Crash, Jeff, Michael, and Chris didn't mind either. Wouldn't you want a vegetarian, habitual social drinker, closet smoker from Portland, Oregon to guest blog on your site without you knowing it? I do think it's reprehensible that the company Patrick works for will not let him blog there anymore. . But enough about Patrick...I'm more important. It's all about me anyway.
When I first became a vegetarian, it was because I had befriended a Hare Krishna while on a layover at the Dallas airport. He took me back to his church and while explaining to me the evils of eating meat, prepared a wonderful meal of fava beans,served with a nice Chianti. I explained that the only reason I didn't want to be a vegetarian was because I liked drinking alcohol. It was this wonderful Krishna that showed me that I could drink all the alcohol I wanted. "Vodka is made from potatoes?? I can drink as much as I want? Praise Krishna!!!" I nearly joined their religion until I asked them "How do I pay for the alcohol?"
Fools. They didn't have all the answers.
I began to wander until I discovered the Yum-Yum brotherhood. These boys could drink, and they drank well. That was how I first learned how to make friends with good taste. Bobo has a wonderful penchant for carrying Makers Mark wherever he goes, although he has a problem of forgetting to bring ice with him. Of course, since he does have good taste for alcohol, which isn't cheap, I have no problem drinking his whisky warm, as long as he provides it. Consider it a stipulation of my friendship.
Now of course, imagine my over joy when I arrived in Cleveland and found out that Makers Mark only cost $2 during the afternoon at the bar closest to Patrick's house. I know he mentioned that he felt guilty that he had to work the first day I visited, but I didn't mind. I had his credit card, and the bartender was so attentive. Just the way I like them to be.
But that brings me back to Patrick, who was kind enough to have Grey Goose vodka in his house when I went to visit. As a vegetarian, I find that vodka is really a major food group. Seriously. What food doesn't go better with vodka?
You already know that oranges and lemons and limes go well with vodka, but did you know that artichokes filled with vodka are much more palatable? Or that you can mash turnips with blue cheese and vodka to get a healthy snack that provides all your daily needs? My personal favorite is pumpkin cooked in vodka. A healthy alternative to pumpkin pie.
Now I know that my employer would not appreciate my eating these vegetarian meals at work, as he has cravings for doggie stew (when he looks fondly back on his days in Thailand) so instead I have discovered that by adding vodka to the company coffee pot, more of his staff has become unproductive. Their unproductivity has allowed me to look better, thus allowing myself the break times needed to blog while at work, as well as blog on other people's websites. Not to mention the long distance telephone calls I can make.
So the next time you leave your blog open, realize that since my employer has just had his third cup of coffee, I have a lot of free time and may hijack your blog as well!
