I Quit

This morning I was finishing a comedy piece about a date I recently had...and about 1/3 into it...this just poured out of me. When my writing comes this quickly, I figure it needs to get out, so I'll post the comedy piece tomorrow.

I know that there are those of you who are voting for President Bush based on his economic policies, or for his welfare policies, or for his policies on terrorism, but his rhetoric over the last few days have been very attacking. Only about 10% of the U.S. population is extremely conservative, yet this is the group he is most courting. I'm not asking anyone to change their votes (I never would), but I am asking that you let your viewpoint be known to your candidate. I've honestly let mine be known. Politicians fear voters more than anything. Have you told them how you feel?

To contact President Bush:
George W. Bush

To contact Senator Kerry:
John Kerry

Dear President Bush,
Over the past 34 years I have been called an outcast, a pariah, socially unacceptable, a threat to children, a sexual predator, and most recently a threat to the Institution of Marriage.

I woke up this morning listening to your words voiced over my radio, and I felt ill. You've portrayed me to be a monster, something that children should fear. Those same children will believe that because of me, their mother and father are divorcing. I have ended their marriage.

I love politics, always have, and understand more about how it works (I've never mentioned on this site before, but three of my family members from my father's side were successful politicians) than most people. I also understand that when politics becomes personal, it takes a nasty turn.

You've made it personal. I'm sitting here today, physically ill, thinking about how 2 - 10% of the population's desire to get married has become an election year strategy.

I lived in Colorado when amendment 2 was narrowly passed by the voters. This amendment stated that any discrimination protections for GLBT persons are nullified. It became legal to fire someone for being gay. The state changed over night, and a cultural war began. Any friends who identified as Christian were pushed away, and I refused to attend any event sponsored by a church. Other gay people I knew did the same, as we identified ourselves to each other, but completely shunned those with opposing viewpoints. Restaurants who displayed what we called "the Jesus Fish" never received our dollars, and I know that any business that displayed a rainbow flag would never receive the business of a Christian. This amendment created a division that the state has yet to heal. Focus on the Family, Colorado for Family Values, Promise Keepers, and The Pentecostal "Hell House" were all born from this division in the state, and all pushed us even further away.

So here I am, nearly 10 years later, seeing the exact same thing happen on the national level, and it sickens me. This sickens me enough that I've made my decision. I quit. You don't want me married...fine...I personally didn't want to get married. I've seen too many divorces to want to go through that.

You win. Feel Better? I do too.

Illegalize sodomy, make it legal to fire me for being gay, force me to live in separate communities where children don't live, go back to raiding the gay bars and entrapping men for inopportuning (asking men out), and force me to wear a pink triangle. You can have everything on your agenda, and you can strip away every single one of my rights. I've been living as a second class citizen for 34 years now...it doesn't hurt anymore, and I've come to the conclusion that it will never change in my lifetime.

The Christians went through the same thing when being persecuted by the Romans, and we both know that the Roman Empire eventually fell. I won't be around to see my any of the rights I deserve, but I will live in the comfort of knowing that eventually...this society will fall, and those that you persecuted will rise up into power next.

You can take my rights, you can take my ability to get a job, you can destroy my dreams...but you will never take my dignity.

Sincerely
Patrick James Doyle
Cleveland, Ohio

God Damn!

All right...It's no secret that organized religion and I aren't best of friends. In fact, after being ex-communicated in the 80's, I really haven't been back to a church. However, while sitting in the car today, listening to the news reports saying how my love life (or in my case...Lack of one) is weakening the institution of Marriage, I thought about the 10 commandments. Now I'm the first to admit...I don't even remember all of them, but I do remember that those were the things we were told we could not do. Then this made me wonder...Where would our politicians be if they actually followed these commandments?

The Ten Commandments

Exodus 20:2-17

1. I am the LORD thy God...Thou shalt have no other gods before Me. - That means that when George Bush needs help, he is only allowed to turn to God for help. Condoleezza Rice...You're fired. God's the new advisor.
   
   
2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth: Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate Me; And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love Me, and keep My commandments. - First of all...JESUS CHRIST...COULD YOU HAVE BEEN ANY MORE WORDY? Why not just say...Worship nobody but God, damnit! That being said...The government needs to rename "Ronald Reagan National Airport" to the "We Love God Airport"
   
   
3. Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh His name in vain. Well fuck!...That was short and to the point. Personally, I can curse like a sailor...so I'm pretty guilty of this one. Didn't George Bush call a reporter an asshole? Well technically I guess it's ok, as long as he doesn't put "God" in front of it. But ethically...he's walking a mother fucking fine assed line.
   
   
4. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it. Jeezy Creazy God is a wordy son of a gun. "Why not just say all work and no play...?" That being said, I believe that all secret service detail, as well as all White House Staff should be off work on Sundays. Laura...get in that kitchen and cook your own dinner. Here's $20 bucks...take a cooking class.
   
   
5. Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee. So tell me Mr. Sanatorium...when's the last time you saw your mom? Will she live with you when she becomes invalid?
   
   
6. Thou shalt not kill. Ok...George, you just got bushwacked! All of those capital punishment cases you saw through, not to mention you authorized a war, wherein killing is expected. I hope you haven't been taking God's name in vain while your at it. You're fucked!
   
   
7. Thou shalt not commit adultery. Ahh Bill Clinton...I love you man...but letting Monica wet the one-eyed wonder worm and using a cigar on her slit is no different than pounding her poonanny. No matter what your definition of "it" is, you still dipped the wick where you shouldn't have. Keep it in you pants.
   
   
8. Thou shalt not steal. - Ok. Even our founding fathers screwed this one up. We need to give back the Black Hills to the Native Americans, as well as several states. We won't even go into all that history.
   
   
9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour. - Stop spreading rumors! Iraq did not have weapons of mass destruction...so quit saying they did.
   
   
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's. -That means be happy with what you have and shut up about it. We don't need to beat China to Mars...we've got it good on this planet right now.

But still, according to Bill Frist, and Santorium (who should be called Sanitary Napkin), my getting married will weaken the institution of marriage. Therefore a constitutional amendment should be passed, blocking me from ever walking down the aisle. Well, first...you got to find someone with a strong enough sex drive to make me want to walk down that aisle in the first place.

So ok...I'll agree with this...

IF

you agree to amend the constitution to make divorce illegal!

Think of it...how easily do you think people would get married if they knew that regardless as to how unhappy he or she made you, you are required to be with that person for the REST OF YOUR LIFE? And while we are at it...Let's make infidelity a crime punishable by life in prison (since some marriages will be that anyway). I can think of nothing that would more "strengthen" the institution of marriage.

Well I don't know about you, but all this bible thumping has worn me out. I think I'm gonna go find me an alterboy.

Should I Turn in My Gay Card?

I have an admission to make here...I have never watched an episode of Sex in the City. Please don't make me turn in my gay card yet, because I redecorated my bedroom last year...Which has to count for something. I don't have cable, so I felt it was necessary for me to watch a couple of episodes last night to get an idea of these characters. So yesterday's poll results:

I'm a combination of three characters: Carrie, Miranda, and Samantha (Cairantha?). I'm a smart man, proud of my achievements, who looks to my own and my friends experiences as fodder for this blog. Never shying away from difficult or delicate subjects, I continually raise the bar for myself. Tough and down-to-earth, I don't open up easily, and mask my vulnerability with cynicism and self-deprecating humor. Having struggled with my love life, I have abandoned the pursuit of love altogether and embraced my uninhibited sexuality with a diverse (and large) group of lovers, from local cardiac surgeons to personal trainers to people on the opposite side of the country!

You know....I actually like that description.

---

I was reading Brent's blog this morning and something he wrote made me think...Impressive since I hadn't had my coffee yet. He was describing a horrible crime and that the person was declared mentally insane, and now after 4 years, is being considered for release as "cured".

What I want to discuss is when a debt is paid to society. Put yourself in this position: 8 years ago, you went to a party, had one too many cosmopolitans, and on your way home, you hit another car, killing the other driver. You reeked of vodka, and the officer performed a sobriety test on you...Which you failed.

During the sentencing of your trial, the judge just so happened to get a flat tire, her dog puked on the carpet, and her husband and she had a fight. She was not pleased to hear that you drank like a fish, and seeing that her docket contained another 12 more DUI cases to follow...She decided to make an example of you.

She put you in jail for the maximum of 120 days. You served your time, your sentence is done. But the state legislature has now passed a law that says all people convicted of a DUI must have a neon red license plate on their car. If they are driving another person's car, they must post a special red sign on the back window, stating that they had been convicted of the crime.

Should you have to do this? Should all of your neighbors know that 8 years ago you made a horrible mistake, went to jail over it, and still have sleepless nights thinking about the man you killed? You don't drink anymore. Should you be allowed to vote after you have served your time? (currently over 200,000 people are waiting for their voting rights to be reinstated in Florida). Should you be allowed to keep your rights as a citizen?

I want to know your thoughts...and as always...Be nice to each other. Based on my prior melt downs, you know I can slap you silly with a keystroke.

Is it Monday Already?

"I rarely ever get hit on" ~ said by yours truly on Sunday night at the post game cookout.

And with those words, the table got very quiet. Everyone was looking at me...waiting for me to say something else.

"You are so full of shit!" was the group consensus, as I stared a little shocked at everyone laughing at me (because I hadn't cracked a joke...so I thought).

Suddenly this group of vicious petty queens felt it necessary to prove me wrong.

• From Bob, "Those two guys on the other softball team wanted you to go home with them two weeks ago." -They wanted to show me their art collection.
  
• From Kevin, "Joe asked you to go home with him just Friday Night." -He was really drunk.
  
• From Brian, "I'm running out of friends you haven't slept with!" - Shut up Brian...you don't have any friends.
  
• From Lindo, "During the ski trip, that guy sat on your lap in the hot tub and you weren't wearing a swimsuit!" -There was no seating left in the hot tub.
  
• From Andrew, "And while that guy was sitting on your lap, the guy you were with was sitting right next to you!" -Well I didn't want to be rude...
  
• From Matt and Rob, "The owner of Twist bought our whole table a round of drinks so he could compliment your legs more" -He was just being nice since we had been drinking all afternoon.
  

Hmmm...did I ever tell you guys that I love each and every one of you? Because I really do. Then Brandon, the one man who didn't speak during this barrage asked me which character from Sex in the City I thought I was most like. I really didn't know...So I'm asking you.

Which Sex in the City Character am I?

1. Carrie -- No one captures the lives of the lovelorn and the love-seeking in New York City better than columnist Carrie Bradshaw does. As fodder for her column, single and fabulous Carrie looks to the experiences of her best friends and her own. Never shying away from difficult or delicate subjects, Carrie has covered everything from emotional dependence to sexual independence. And somehow, through all her research and realizations, she's remained open to the possibility of finding love among the ruins.
   
   
2. Samantha-- Scintillating Samantha is a successful PR exec who knows what she wants - and most of the time, she gets it. She radiates confidence in everything she does, whether it's landing a star client, getting a table at the trendiest restaurant or bedding the hottest guy in a room. Samantha embraces her uninhibited sexuality with a diverse (and large) group of lovers, from wrestling coaches to power bachelors to a studly farmer. Forget wedding dreams; Samantha takes lust over love any night, and she's proud of it.
   
   
3. Charlotte-- Charlotte has a refreshingly optimistic outlook on love and romance amidst the ever-complex dating scene of NYC. Well-bred, she walks through life with a perfect sense of decorum. And a lot of idealism. For years, Charlotte had a crystalline vision of the life she wanted to have. First and foremost, she wanted to get married. She wanted true love. And she wanted her husband to be wealthy, handsome and belong to the social elite.
   
   
4. Miranda-- Miranda is smart, self-assured and proud of her achievements. She raises the bar for herself continually, be it in her professional or personal life. However, she's struggled with her love life and, at times, abandoned the pursuit of love altogether. Tough and down-to-earth, she doesn't open up easily, masking her vulnerability with cynicism and self-deprecating humor.
   

  

Aren't you Tired?

A question that someone asked me:

In all the time that I've know you, I seen you spend your life, meeting men, most who you let in your bed faster than you let in your heart, if you let them in there at all. We can hardly go anywhere without running into someone you've dated, although I don't think I know anyone you've dated for more than 2 dates. With all the men that keep moving in and out of your life...don't you get tired of the meaningless sexual encounters, only getting intimacy through sex?

Hmmm...NO?!?!?!

The Game of Life

"Either you immediately get over your fears of doing something you never thought you would do or lose the game." ~Shamus

---

I found these words to be extremely profound. I rarely fear physical pain (hell...if I did, I'd never have run the triathlon), but I do fear the emotional pain of hurting others or getting hurt myself, and the pain of defeat. I love doing endurance sports because no matter how hard it is...I'll finish the race...even if it takes twice as long as anyone else.

Since October of 2001, I have been laid off 4 times. My income level was reduced to 1/4 what I used to make by getting a job as an office temp. In the beginning of this difficult period, I applied for jobs like crazy, only to never get interviews, or if I did, I wouldn't get an offer. This was a big surprise for me, as when I worked as a financial aid administrator, I would get recruitment calls every two months. Suddenly...nobody thought I had any skills. That changed when I was hired to work at Things Remembered, Inc. This dream job was offered, and I gladly took it. Three weeks into the job, I was laid off after the Christmas Sales figures came in. It seemed as if that year, the consumers felt that the store should have been named Things Forgotten. Back to temping, where that last summer I was laid off again, as they decided to go with a different contract firm that was charging 1/2 what I was being paid. My newest contract is until December of this year, and I know I really don't have any other option here in that I need to find full time employment, as I have tapped out all of my retirement funds, sold off all of my stocks, and have no savings left anymore. It was the kicker that had me start doing comedy in October. Well...honestly...that was one reason...but not the main one. The comedy circuit can pay decent as you get more exposure, but in the beginning, you earn grocery money, and that's about it. Still...it's grocery money.

Yet I found myself over the past few months, not even looking anymore. Not because I don't want a job, but because I was just so tired of the rejection. Leaving the world of working in academia for the corporate world is never easy, as corporate workers have no clue what the hell a financial aid officer does. When I left financial aid, I decided to never go back, and I went out on a bang. The kind of bang that forced me sign a non-disclosure statement and had me paid for several months after I left the school. The kind of bang that had colleagues from 9 states away calling me when they hear about what I did. Let's just say...I made a REAL IMPRESSION. I figured I was dying of cancer...so they could go down with me. How was I supposed to know that I would survive?

4 years later...I find myself having to admit defeat. This economy has been brutal (Politics aside...it seriously offends me that the president speaks as if the job market is great. 3000 new jobs nationwide last month? How about the 285,000 this state lost in the last two years? I'd like to see what he would say if his daughters went 4 years without a real job).

So what about the interview I was offered at OfficeMax? I've made the decision to not interview for it. I'd be working near someone who would have personal issues with my working there (we could never work together), and I'm not sure that he wouldn't work to force me out. I'd be working in way too hostile of an environment. One that would be just emotionally unhealthy.

But refusing the interview felt like tempting fate, so I swallowed my pride and applied for a job as an Assistant Director of Financial Aid at a University in the area. I more than qualify, and the work would be easy. Provided they never call the last director I worked for, I would be fine as I'm fairly sure I'm blackballed. What happens though is that I face Shamus' quote again...and the fear...the fear of becoming contented to just work the job I really never wanted and pay the bills. We spend the majority of our lives at work...shouldn't we enjoy it?

I know that some of you have been wondering if I'm ok. Yes...I'm ok. It's been a very rough week. I haven't slept much (Butch's masturbation incident has brought on a bit of insomnia), It's hitting the year anniversary of Bruce's death, and just thinking about the events of last summer has been rough. I am fine though...and slowly pushing past the fear. I think I may pull out the classifieds in the paper on Sunday.

Define Wealth

When do we get the good life?

On the television today, I saw an advertisement to start your own video rental business, where the company will provide you all the capital, and with very little work on your part, you will just watch the money directly deposit into your bank account making you rich beyond your beliefs.

I then found on the internet that if I start my own Amway distribution business, and sponsor additional people into this business, that very quickly I won't need to work any longer.

Of course...I'm still busy buying homes with no money down, fixing them up, and selling them within 30 days so that I can make a profit of 85%. Doing this 4 times a year will allow me to buy that multi million dollar home by the ocean, where I can spend my days relaxing.

So I plan on doing all four things, becoming a multi-Billionaire and then I can sit alone in my house, alone by my pool, alone at the ocean all the while living the good life, drinking tropical drinks, and being waited on hand and foot. Gee...it sounds fun.

Fuck that shit! It's just stuff. What does anyone need a million dollar home for? How is my life better if I can afford 85' boats, hummers, and all the things that go along with it? It seems to me that those that are really living the good life, those that are really rich, are those that have surrounded themselves with others they love and care for.

I was called today to interview for a job at Boise Cascade/Officemax, and for very personal reasons, I'm not sure it's a good idea to interview for this job. Yeah...it pays more...but at what cost to my sanity? I've got a decision to make...and I'm not liking it at all.

Getting My Needs Met

Somewhat jaded...but self preserving.

I'm not a trusting person. I used to think I was, but a year of introspection has proven me wrong. Friends mean the world to me (mainly as they are my family as opposed to my blood relatives), but I don't share them with each other. I have several groups of friends, each who I can and do spend time with on any given night, but they have never met each other. And that is where my trust issue is located. To know all of my groups of friends, and to share all my activities, is to really know me.

Only one time have I introduced a friend into all of my groups of friends and hobbies, completely integrating him into my life and it went horribly wrong. In the wake I found myself censoring my life, pushing away those that had grown to know and like him, and ceasing the activities that we used to do together, even if I enjoyed them before the friendship. Water under the bridge, yada yada yada, it was a long time ago. But it does make me a little mad at myself for sharing that much in the first place.

I am always on the defense, always have been, and it's something I don't see changing anytime soon. Human beings are naturally greedy individuals, and our motivations are always driven by satisfying our needs. A person will only speak to you when they want something. It may be only to help you (and feel a sense of accomplishment at helping) or it may be to get laid, or it may be to satisfy their own need for friendship or companionship. It's up to you to decide if you want to satisfy their needs.

Signs of the Apocalypse!

12 hours of hell.

9:00 PM
Last night, my neighbor Butch was on a drinking binge from hell. Butch loves his beer, and nothing is going to stop him from drinking. He's no longer a functioning alcoholic, as the drink has taken control of his life, and I feel bad that he hasn't made the decision to quit.

That being said, last night I would have gladly poured a fifth of vodka down his throat if it would have made him just go to sleep and shut off his damn radio. You see, neither Butch or I have air conditioning, and it has moved into the freaking hot and humid time of Cleveland weather. I have to sleep with my windows open. Butch chooses to stay on his porch all night. Usually that means masturbating, and turning up his music loud enough that it echoes off the houses across the street. My bedroom window is right above that damn radio. Last night...I contemplated cutting the power lines to his house, pouring a bucket of water on the radio from my window, or just swinging a baseball bat. Instead...I called the cops.

This is where it gets interesting. Butch only will turn up his music to songs that he likes. He then turns the music back down. So my first 4 calls to the police resulted in them showing up just as he had turned the music back down (Noise disturbance calls aren't their priority). Since his masturbation acts are always performed behind the porch wall (only I get the fabulous view of watching a man who looks like Jesus Christ pound his pud), they were never able to catch him. Until the last call.

2:30 AM
Butch's radio started playing In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, by Iron Butterfly. You know it...the 22 minute song from hell? He turned it up so the music blared, and I hit the speed dial button to the police station. Upon answering, the dispatcher could hear the rock concert going on outside my bedroom and said "He's at it again, Mr. Doyle???" GOD BLESS THE CLEVELAND POLICE. The squad car came within 2 minutes (I swear they were parked a block away and were waiting to catch the Son of a Bitch), and they had their lights on.

Girl cop, got out of her car, and in her toughest voice screamed...TURN THAT RADIO DOWN!!! And after several argumentative words...Blissful silence...and I finally found sleep.

5:00 AM

Alarm clock goes off. I can barely move I'm so exhausted. I climb out of bed to hit the snooze button, only to accidentally catch the cord with my foot and pull the plug out of the wall. There will be no snoozing now. Decide I should just go for a run by the lake.

6:00 AM

While running by the lake, clouds suddenly roll in and it begins to rain on me. My mood does not improve. As I try to run faster home, I slip on the sidewalk, and go down like the Titanic. Now bruised, wet, and exhausted...I head home. Ironically...it didn't rain by my home...only 1/2 mile away. Fuck.

7:00 AM
Ever take a big drink of milk, only to figure out too late that that it went sour?

7:30 AM
I am now driving on my way to work...cursing every driver that seems to be in my way, when I finally get an opening in the traffic. I start to increase my speed only to be cut off by a black Saturn. I stare at that car with a loathing, wishing flat tires upon him for a month, and then it dawns on me. I recognize the license plate. God...if you really love me...don't let it be who I already know it is.

God hates me! But he made up for it, because as I passed that car, I noticed the new double chin from one too many big mac combo meals, and not a sign of recognition from the spawn of Satan. I debated what I should do for a split second (ignor him?...Cut him off?...ram his car off the road?) and before I could catch myslef, my middle finger had rose to eye level.

9:00 AM
The company cafeteria announces over the intercom system that the coffee machines are broken, and they will not be able to serve any coffee. Panic has now ensued!

Have you seen my balls?

So Saturday night, I was out at our local "Babylon" style dance club, The Grid. My friend David and I were there, when I saw the absolute hottest guy. My friend David suggested I go and talk to him, and after drinking my beer, I decided to walk over there and say hello. Wearing jeans, no shirt, and with a tattoo across his back that I want to trace with my tongue.



I walked up, smiled at him (he smiled back) and said "Hi. I'm Patrick". He indicated that he couldn't hear me over the music, so I spoke using my outdoor voice "HI I'M PATRICK. I DON'T NORMALLY DO THIS, SO I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS. I THINK YOUR'RE A REALLY GOOD LOOKING GUY, AND I'D LIKE TO TAKE YOU TO DINNER OR SOMETHING. NOW WHEN I SAY 'OR SOMETHING' I DON'T MEAN STRAIGHT BACK TO MY BEDROOM. NOT THAT I WOULDN'T WANT TO TAKE YOU BACK TO MY BEDROOM, BECAUSE YOU ARE REALLY HOT, BUT I'VE MADE SOME CHANGES IN MY LIFE, AND REALIZE THAT I WANT SOMETHING A BIT MORE MEANINGFUL. IT'S SOMETHING I'VE BEEN WORKING WITH MY THERAPIST ON. I SHOULD PROBABLY TELL YOU A BIT ABOUT MYSELF HUH? I'M SINGLE, AS YOU NEVER KNOW THESE DAYS. NOT THAT I'VE HAVEN'T BEEN IN RELATIONSHIPS, BUT RATHER THAT I'M CHOOSY IN WHO I LET IN MY LIFE. I'VE LEARNED THAT I HAVE TO BE, AS MY EX CHEATED ON ME, AND THEN REACTED INDIGNANTLY WHEN I CONFRONTED HIM ON IT. BUT HE'S GONE OUT OF MY LIFE NOW AND I'M HAPPIER NOW. WELL SINCE YOUR DRINK IS EMPTY, WOULD YOU LIKE A NEW BEER?"

Christ...I should have just said "Nice shoes...wanna fuck?"

Ok...so it didn't go exactly like that, but it would have if I had gotten the courage to actualy go up to the guy. See I am a coward when it comes to approaching people I find attractive. I can perform in front of an audience of 800 people, I've posed nude for several photographers, and I've freaking jumped off a bridge in Zambia attached to only a rubber band, yet approaching someone I find attractive is absolutly the most mortifying thing for me. I usualy end up checking the guy out from a safe distance (like 40 feet away), only to turn back to my beer.

Sometimes I wonder how I ever get laid.

Any suggestions as to how to approach a hot guy in a club?

Cleaning House

The next time you plan on cleaning the house, might I recommend that you have 3 vodka and lemonades? My house is still a mess, but suddenly it doesn't bother me as much anymore.


Hic-up...

Sadly

Sadly...I dated him last summer.


My inner geek is about to come out here. Here's a technical question to any and all of you out there. Currently my links are using blogrolling and stationary links, but I am in the process of creating my own Table of Contents page, which I can update and upload to all my pages, including my gallery when it goes live.

The code to call a page is:
(!--#include file="../folder/file.html"--)

The question is...does anyone know if a (head) (/head) tag will cause problems, or do I just go with a list tag and leave no headers or body tags?

I Think I'm in a Funk!

Sometimes: I think it's important to get things off your chest.


I'm tired of being a monk. I want sex and I want it now. I want it long. I want it hard. I want it sweaty. I want it earth shattering. I want headboard banging against the wall. I want tied to the bed screaming out "Oh Daddy." I want it in multiple positions. I want stubble burn even. I want to cum with such an intensity that it will almost make me black out.

Then I want to cuddle.
~shamelessly taken from Brian's Tales of the City Blog

Brian...you took the words right out of my mouth.

Applications are being accepted.

(from the musical Hair)

Sodomy
Fellatio
Cunnilingus
Pederasty

Father, why do these words sound so nasty?

Masturbation
Can be fun
Join the holy orgy
Kama Sutra
Everyone!