Uncommon Compliments

When between jobs (I hate using the phrase unemployed), it's very important to keep yourself entertained. Last week that involved porn and it's residue in mass quantities. But this week...I grew tired of watching porn, especially while thinking of some of the worst sex I've ever had. It's a little depressing to see several men in different positions, all shaking in ecstasy as you sit alone on a couch with a cup of hot tea because it's too cold to go outside.

So between porn videos, and sending out cover letters and resumes, I've been playing the Nintendo 64 gaming system. For those of you who are dinosaurs like myself, this system is so 1997, but it does provide entertainment when you don't feel like going outside. I recommend Banjo Tooie game.

So I sit on my butt during the day, which as some people over the past year or so have told me is my better asset. And this is where the Worst Sex Ever Scenario falls today.

Not too long after I had ended a relationship, I had fallen into that unsure place, where you underestimate your own self worth. Self esteem had taken a dive, I wasn't going out, and spent most of my time alone. Nearly a month into this self pity, my friends planned an intervention and insisted I meet them at our usual hangout for a night of a few drinks. As my friends put it "It's time to get back up and ride the horse." A nice way to say I needed laid.

I went to the local club, and my friends had not arrived yet. I later found out that they were hoping my standing there alone would improve my chances at meeting someone, therefore they showed up a little late. Bitches!

Feeling very much out of place, I stood near the pool table and ran into an old acquaintance, who happened to ask about my Ex. That's the joy of breaking up, having the awkwardness involved in telling everyone else about it. Gratefully he moved away, and that was when "HE" came over to me.

Now I need to premise this by saying I'm picky...very picky. In the last year, I've been on at least 40 first dates, and most never make it past this stage. That being said, someone I would not find attractive sauntered up to stand next to me. What am I saying...none of you would have found him attractive either. He looks me up and down, smiles and says "I just want you to know...looks don't matter to me."

And with that statement...any form of self esteem I had left had left my body, walked out of the bar, and was back under the covers, calling my ex to get back together. I, on the other hand, was doomed to get rid of this troll of a man. Fastest way...chug the beer to get another one. Luckily my friends arrived and I was saved from any further degradation.

My friends began the intervention of bringing back my self esteem to tolerable levels when the next line was thrown my way. "I'm only in town for one night, as I'm going back to DC tomorrow. You are just really hot, and I wanted to know if you wanted to go back to my place. I'm staying with a friend, but he's ok with it." Me? Hot? "Let's go," I answered.

Don't judge me...or I'll sic TunaGirl on you!

We get back to his place, and upon arriving I realize that when he said he was staying with a friend, he meant that the 3 of us were planned for that nights activities. Now call me old fashioned, but sometimes the more is not the merrier. However, being that my self respect and self esteem had already left the building, I decided to go along with it. The specifics of the evening are not as much important, except for one specific thing that was said about me.

***Beginning to blush badly***

When 3 people are having sex...one person can somewhat be left out at times, but can have an interesting view. While I was on top of one person, the other person had a distinct view of my derriere. The person with the view said "Oh, Mike (not his real name), he has the nicest asshole."

Had my mouth not been full I probably would have burst out laughing. Instead I was at a loss for words. Do you say "Thank you?" or "I take after my mother", or just give the guy a better view? I can say though that I had to push past that statement and just focus on the fact that it was a compliment. One I will never forget...even if I wanted to.

So the next time you get cut off in traffic, or someone curses at you and you call him an Asshole...remember that some assholes are nice.