Rear Window

Now taking applications:

It's a beautiful day in the gay-borhood,
a beautiful day in the gay-borhood,
won't you be mine,
You look so damn fine!

I'll make you happy,
I guarantee!
If you'll be my sex buddy!

Yeah...it's official...I need laid.

Recently someone was asking me about where to live in the Cleveland area. He's moving up this way and I thought about my neighborhood. Very gay friendly, walking distance to most places, and most importantly...a wealth of entertainment.

I live in a 2 floor row house. This is the view from my bedroom window.
The blue house on the left is where my friends M&J lived. I don't really recall meeting them at a party because I was the alcohol impaired patron of the evening. I was the entertainment. M&J left only 6 months after I moved in. They claim the reason they moved was that they were tired of my dates parking in their driveway. Geeze...1 car and they get all cranky.

The house to the right of that is a former bakery, converted to 3 apartments. The left window is the apartment of a sweet old lesbian and her lovable dog. This woman has been through hell, and still always has nice things to say. She's also the first to know anything that goes on in the rest of the neighbor's lives.

The right side window is a very entertaining gentleman. A schizophrenic who does not medicate nearly enough. Most of the residents try to avoid him, as we're tired of hearing "Mulder" tell us about the alien abductions. The lesbians who live in the yellow house can't stand him. To get on his nerves, they park their car in front of his apartment. He responded by placing a [insert his name]'s parking space sign near the curb. The city didn't like that as much as he thought they would. Probably because he called a tow truck on the lesbian couple.

The lesbian couple got even...by cutting crop circles in his grass while he was out. These two women crack me up, and last summer, they gave me a really sweet gift. I had brought home a new friend, and we had decided to play a very intense game of "Chutes and Ladders" in my bedroom. Of course, I wasn't thinking when I put the lights on that those across the street would have full view into my bedroom. The next day, they bought me a set of curtains, as they said they could see the whole game being played. In fact...they mentioned about how one of us kept going "down, down, down." My guess is those women are more into playing "Deep Sea Diver".

And yes...I have the masturbating neighbor. My first summer in this place, on nearly a weekly basis, I would wake up to a man who resembles Jesus, pulling his pud for hours on end. All the while, listening to classic rock. I honestly don't know what's worse...Jesus pleasuring himself outside my bedroom window, or listening to "Hotel California" at 3AM! No...I do know. Classic rock keeps me awake. Jesus pulling his pud...that's kind of funny.

I do have to say...I think I found the one reason I like winter. It's so cold, this guy can't sit on his porch and take his normal 3 hours to finish what he starts. If he did...well it would probably just freeze off.

Now...don't you want to live in my neighborhood?