Wouldn't you fall for this face?

Hey Guys! Tuna Girl here again.

Patrick has been working an ungodly amount of hours at the bar so he asked me to guest blog again.

I think this will ensure that he never asks me to blog for him ever again.



Okay. I have a whole folder full of blackmail photos of Patrick. And I could spend all day just posting them to his blog. But none of them are explicit and I do have a point here.

When Patrick asked me to blog, he actually gave me a topic to discuss. He's been asking me and some other friends, "Why do these guys fall in love with me before they even know me?"

His friend from the restaurant told him that it is because he is the bartender. And I see her point. But this is clearly not a new thing for Patrick.

At present, he has more slips of paper with men's phone numbers sitting on our kitchen counter than I have sex toys. And that's saying a lot!

But some of these guys aren't just slipping them his number for a date, or a hook-up, or to get to know a new friend. Some of these guys are already planning their futures with him.

Take Buff Man from the other night, for example. You can read about him here on my blog.

He's spent the last few night's drinking and professing his love at Patrick's bar. Now, take my word for it, people. This man is hot! He can't have more than 2 or 3 percent body fat. He's tan. He's handsome. He's a bit older but he has that sexy gray sideburn thing going on.

He's also completely head over heals in love with our boy Patrick.

I stopped by the bar last night to decompress from a craptastic day, and Buff Man decided to try and get in good with the fag hag. He told me all about how he's never pursued a man before. He usually let's the hot ones come to him. He told me how Patrick is so handsome and has such a beautiful smile, that it doesn't matter that he doesn't have six-pack abs. *ahem* He told me how he was going to get him a new job and how he didn't want him to ever have to work so hard again. He told me how his friends will love Patrick so much.

And he told me how Patrick understands him and their future plans.

Patrick doesn't even know his last name.

They haven't even been out on a date.

And Buff Man topped off the night by asking Patrick if he wanted to have kids. And then informing him that they would have kids that were really theirs.

Oh no Buff Man! Stop! You're drowning here.

As the hour grew later and Buff Man and I were the only ones in the bar, Buff Man literally tried to drag me out of the place. He wanted to know exactly what I was waiting for.

Well, I was waiting to be Patrick's convenient and requested excuse not to go home with Drunk Buff Man.

"You're not going to get anything from him, you know," Buff Man told me. "He's not straight."

Well, thanks for the news bulletin there, Drunk Boy. I think I figured that out the last time I watched him make out with a man.

But, what is it that makes these men fall in love with Patrick before they even know about the scar on his ass? (Not that I've seen the ass scar, but I've heard the story.)

Buff Drunk Man informs me that it is because he has "something, I don't know, something that I can see, something that, um, I don't know..."

"His inner beauty just shines right through," I supplied for my slurring new bestest friend. "And he has a hot ass."

"Yes!" Buff Drunk Man agreed.

Maybe Buff Hopefully Sober Man will find out Patrick's last name before he proposes marriage.

I wonder if he'll bring a wedding ring on their date tonight.