Ahh Pittsburgh. I took all of grandma's bantering without making her feel uncomfortable. I deserve an award, or at least a Valium. She only made fun of Mom's choice of profession once, and mentioned the value of having Bush as president about 10 times.

Personally I would like to know what is the problem being an artist? Mom makes a living…not a great living…but she does make a living. Shudder…I can't believe she wants me to drive to Florida to be with her on her 50th birthday. Why can't she just send me an airline ticket like any other parent?

When did work become so political? I saw a card in a store that said on the front "Congratulations on the promotion!" and on the inside said "Now if you'll please pull the knife out of my back, we can cut your cake". Think of the corporate ladder as a tree-full of monkeys. Those at the top can look down at the monkeys below them, but the monkeys at the bottom look up and all they see are assholes. I think that about sums it up.

I'm going to see my grandmother this weekend (which although is a road trip to Pittsburgh, it will not be a stress reliever). The only person who is a bigger failure to my grandmother is my mom and as she will put it this weekend "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree". My mom keeps telling me to use the "gay-tomic bomb" on the woman. You know...when she starts picking apart my life, political ideaologies, weight, manners, style of dress, etc, I should just respond with "well grandmother...we both have something in common. We've both sucked dick." (Excuse the vulgarity, but this is how my mom thinks I should say it. This suggestion may also be why my mother and grandmother NEVER get along). Grandma is just way too conservative and proper. She still can't see how her baby daughter could turn out to be an unwed mother/hippy. Meanwhile I'll be needing a big bottle of stress tabs this weekend.

Dangerous Liaisons

Ok…I got to be nuts. I have been talking to Jeff online for a few days and now I am making plans to see a movie with him? I really don't know much about this guy (except what is on his profile and what he has told me). For some reason, I feel like our personalities just click. I don't know about on a romance level, but this is definitely a person I would like to get to know in some fashion. Now sensible me would have said…lets meet at the theater. So what am I doing giving him my personal address and agreeing to let him drive? I'm going to end up dead in a ditch somewhere. So I am going to go with him to X-Men 2. In return, I said I'd buy dinner. That way this isn't so much a date as just two people getting to know each other.

Ever notice that first dates are like auditioning someone for a part in a show? You really want that person to be "the one" and always get let down. I think that is why I just want friends for a while. (Of course…if Brad Pitt dumps Jennifer Anniston…I wouldn't turn him down).

A Trained Monkey

Wow…I think I met someone sane from online. I didn't think it was possible…at least not after my prior experiences. Jeff seems like someone I could actually enjoy getting to know. I wonder what is wrong with him?

Work situation is still the same. YAWN! Compile files, search out address, paste in Excel, surf the Internet…pretend I like what I do. I can't believe I have three degrees and this is what I do? "A trained monkey learned this system on PBS in a matter of hours! Recode it!"

Last night I went to a diner at a friend's house, and then to the Grid afterwards. Realized something…I'm not 21 anymore. Jose Cuervo and I tangoed. and Jose won. So this gorgeous day, my head went thumpa thumpa boom boom. It's 9:30 pm and I'm still hurting. Lesson learned, I won't do that EVER again.

By My side (Godspell…S. Schwartz)

Where are you going?
Where are you going?
Can you take me with you?
For my hand is cold
And needs warmth
Where are you going?

Far beyond where the horizon lies
Where the horizon lies
And the land sinks into mellow blueness
Oh please, take me with you

Let me skip the road with you
I can dare myself
I can dare myself
I'll put a pebble in my shoe
And watch me walk (watch me walk)
I can walk and walk!
(I can walk!)

I shall call the pebble Dare
I shall call the pebble Dare
We will talk, we will talk together
We will talk (chorus) about walking

Dare shall be carried
And when we both have had enough
I will take him from my shoe, singing:
"Meet your new road!"
Then I'll take your hand
Finally glad
Finally glad
That you are here
By my side

By my side
By my side
By my side

So I'm trying to meet people again. Does meeting people online actually work? Jason was a big mistake (I still have no clue why he disappeared). I've lived in Cleveland now since February 1st and in North Eastern Ohio since May 2001, and I really can't think of anyone I would call a friend. A bunch of acquaintances, but no friends.

How do you make friends once you are out of school? It was so much easier in college. You are all miserable and stressed, but you are all on the same side. Now in the work world, I'm always looking for the knife that is about to be buried into my back by a work "friend".

So taking a chance, I'm contacting a guy I found online that seems fairly intelligent. Composing the short intro email that says I'm "…intriguing…not desperate…interesting…not insane". I swear we should all wear labels that just say what our mental problems are, and we can then find a person with the opposing problems, and we can help each other. If bars can have Tops and Bottoms parties, it should be logistical. I can see the labels now…."I'm really not co-dependent…unless you want me to be" or "I live with my mother" or "Sexual compulsive…very popular".