Crossing Signals or Crossing Legs?

Ok…so I am going nuts here. Am I dating Jeff or are we platonic friends? It's just so fucking weird. We get along so well, and he so damn flirtatious in his emails, that I have no clue what the hell is going on.

Here is the weirdest one. He invites me to dinner. Says he is picking the restaurant. I go to his place after work, wearing something that is appropriate for a dinner in out. Black pants, gray shirt, and a leather coat (Yes...I look hot). He answers the door wearing a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. Announces we are going to the rib cook off for dinner. OK…I'm a bit over dressed…but I'm game.

Get to the entrance booth, he goes up to the ticket man and says "one adult please". Oh God…please let me have enough cash in my wallet to cover my admission. I have the exact change. If I can't buy food tickets with a credit card…I won't be eating dinner tonight. This is so not a date! Bought food tickets ala visa and had 3 ribs for dinner. Boy, am I sorry I didn't eat before I met him tonight.

So we are just friends. Good to go...can't have enough friends.

He then flirts more online and takes me to a movie and dinner and pays. So I am taking him to a show at the playhouse square tomorrow night and will have an answer to this shit already.

If I had the balls, I'd just ask him. I, however, have no balls.

I sent him an email:

Are we strictly platonic friends here, or are we quasi dating? I'm asking now, because I really have no clue where you are on this. All night, I've been trying to figure a way to ask you, and just been feeling like an idiot. You're a great guy, and for whatever reason, you really intimidate me. So I figure, the only way I'm going to save face, is to pull the high school chick's way out and write you a letter. God I hope this doesn't make me look as pathetic as it makes me feel.

My friend Philip says I should have just ran up an pulled his hair like in second grade.

Team Drama

We have had a bit more drama on the team. Curt called me (he's the league president) and informed me that we will be having a team meeting/ practice regardless of weather on Saturday at 11:00.

From what Curt told me, Mary will no longer be our team manager. She unfortunately didn't tell anyone that one of the umpires has a restraining order on her (only in gay softball). So we are getting a new manager.

I did say I "wanted" to do this…sigh

Ain't She Bitchy

Softball is on and practice number 1 was absolutely miserable. I'm trying to keep everyone happy, and making myself miserable in the process. It was raining…hard. 5 people showed up (two my recruits).

Jeff stormed off the minute practice was over without saying bye or anything. Can you say bitchy faggot? I guess I should email and check to see if he is ok, but I'll let him cool off for a bit. I don't need this.

In case you don't know…I suck, at softball that is. I couldn't catch a ball if it was tossed under handed by some mom to me. I have been doomed to right field, which is I guess a good spot for me to play since it's the position with the least play.

Jeff sucks at batting. He seriously makes me look good. At least when I hit the ball I can make it to first base. Jeff hasn't been able to hit anything yet. He needs to relax and take the pressure off himself.

See No Evil

Well Jeff finally decided to email me back after nearly a week of no contact. I guess he is just a flake. Said he had a friend in town and suddenly doesn't sound to enthralled about Cedar Point's new ride. Somehow I have a feeling that he has already been.

Philip and I have been getting closer (I just wished he lived in Cleveland). I admitted that I thought Jeff had decided to ignore me since I told him I was in cancer remission. It's not the first time it's happened. Look at Jason in February. People get freaked out by my past sometimes. I've thought about lying and not telling anyone, but Africa is such a part of me now that I couldn't deny that part of my past.

The softball team seems like it may be a no go, which is a real bummer for me. We had a bar that was sponsoring us, and suddenly they are closed down. Of course, they were going to sponsor us by not giving us any money, so why would we agree to put the bar's name on out shirts? I don't care…I just want to learn to play.

The last time I played any baseball or softball I was 6 and playing little league. The coach told me to never swing at the ball, and I was placed in right field, where in one summer only one ball had ever been hit out towards me. Of course that was the time I was sitting in the playground behind the baseball field. That should have been a good clue to my dad that I was gay.

Team sports scare the crap out of me. I take things too personally and if I miss a catch (which I will) and I feel like the entire game loss is my fault. Racing is more my thing (running, biking, swimming, downhill skiing). This is supposed to be a recreation league, so I am hoping to keep it fun.

So I am now searching out players. I asked Brian and he seems into it (his partner says NO), and I guess I can ask Jeff. Hopefully we can get enough players and keep the team running.

Freak Out!

So I must have set off a freak alarm on Jeff. I haven't heard from him since I asked if he wanted to go with me to Cedar Point. Now I could understand a freak out if I had said "move in with me" or "do you like little girls?" but come on! Do you want to go to an amusement park next week is not a scary question?

Mom called yesterday. "YOU ARE COMING TO FLORIDA FOR MY BIRTHDAY RIGHT?" Ugghh…the woman is giving me an ulcer already. All my friends and acquaintances think it's such a great thing having a pot smoking hippy artist for a mother. Try it. She will drive you into years of therapy. I have to thank her for the source of comedy material though.

Work situation is slammed now. I prepared an upload file for the database that was 1800 records long. Uploaded it and somehow the information corrupted and my telephone number was placed in the field for the actual supplier number. This database feeds data to the buyers database, so I have buyers calling me from all over the world pricing out a pallet of screws, or a hydraulic joint. I don't even know what the hell the company even makes.

Dying for a ride

So I'm really dying to go to Cedar Point and ride the new ride. I don't have anyone to go with, so I am asking Jeff if he would want to go. Maybe not a good idea, but he seems like a nice guy and nothing like a day at the park to see if you can tolerate each other.

First Impressions

So I met Jeff this weekend.
First impressions: A really nice guy who is a hell of a lot more attractive in person than his picture reveals. Kind of comical seeing several straight women cruising him as we were at the movie theater. That he didn't even notice…even funnier.

Shocked me when he brought Fig Newton cookies for the evening. I had forgotten that I had told him that I had never had a Fig Newton before. Not bad…the cookie that is. Now the big question…Was I just on a date?

I may have to ask my out of town friend Philip and see what he says. It just seems like this suddenly became a date. I'm not sure….but is that a bad thing? I haven't had a date in a very long time. I can't believe it has been a year since I broke up with JP. Six years of my life, ended…wow. Am I even ready to date? Not sure yet…but I guess I know one way to find out.