Happy Pride II

I have got to be insane. My ex, John, and I have a standing date to go to Columbus Pride and celebrate his birthday. A small price to pay for someone I still consider close in my life (although he can get on my LAST QUEER NERVE at times).

I drove down Friday night, met him at the hotel, and we went up to the Short North for dinner etc. I was not repeating the threesome of a week ago (I'm still too chicken to ask Jeff if we are ok...or do we have weirdness), so alcohol was not high on my consumption list. John on the other hand got hammered. We went to a dance bar afterwards, where John got hit on. IT'S ABOUT TIME! He needs to find someone and be happy.

Saturday...big parade. WHY DON'T WE HAVE THIS IN CLEVELAND? Parade lasted about an hour. I saw Philip on one of the floats, but he couldn't see me in the sea of people. By the time I caught up to the float, he was gone. Probably for the best...John would have hated him. John would pretty much hate any male that is in my life. He hates Jeff.

Sunday...I was supposed to be at the softball game for group photos, and a double header. John was a little ticked as it was his birthday, so I bailed on the photo and games. It bummed me out as this will probably be the only proof that I actually participated in the league. Instead I took John to a movie for his birthday.

Happy Cleveland Pride!

I did a stupid thing last night. I’d like to blame it on the alcohol, but that wouldn’t be entirely true. I was the most sober.

I went to softball practice after work and only Jeff and our coach Tony show up. Tony suggested we go out for a few beers afterwards, and three of us all went out to Union Station. I hadn’t eaten anything all day…first mistake, but luckily I ordered a massive plate of nachos to soak some of the booze up. We arrived at 8pm and between the three of us, finished off three pitchers of beer and three mind erasers each. (Now I know…someone out there is saying…what fools!).

Well as the night is moving on, Jeff and I are pointing out the local hot men in the bar (funny…nobody was that attractive when we arrived…did you just hear a coyote howl?). Things start getting worse when this guy approaches me. I’m not really that attracted to him, but Jeff surely is. At least that was the impression I get after watching him lift the man's shirt to compliment the nice chest he has. Shy little Jeff is stroking a man's chest in front of me, and this man is rubbing my thigh. I have NEVER seen Jeff act this way before, and I’m a little embarrassed for him (albeit turned on as well).

Suddenly the house lights (closing time) come up and we are seeing everyone in florescent lighting for the first time. Queens are running from the bar like cockroaches from the Black Flag spray.

We get outside and my Jeff states that we are all too drunk to drive home (duh) and that we can crash on his couches (didn’t I see this in a porn once?). Tony, random guy that Jeff's got the hard on for, and I all head to Jeff's place, which is in walking distance from the bar.

We go back to Jeff's place and Tony immediately goes to sleep on the big couch. This other guy begins kissing me. Somehow one thing leads to another and Jeff, other guy, and I have sex while the Tony pretends to be sleeping (seriously...how can you sleep when people are having sex on the floor right next to you?).

Drunk and horny…not a pretty picture. I know better too. NEVER DIP THE WICK IN COMPANY OIL! You always end up getting hurt. I guess I did celebrate pride though. I’m an idiot and not having sex again! What sucks most is that this is going to put a strain on my friendship with Jeff.

Negative

Open the beer taps…test is negative. I'm going to run down the street naked!

The Friendship Builds

So my friendship with Jeff is building a bit more. We are beginning to spend a lot of time together, and since I had just taken my HIV test, the conversation went into how many sexual partners we have had.

He has had 5 partners in his life and none in the last 2 years.

I have had 5 in a year. Hell...I've had 5 in a month and I'm still shooting (bad choice of words) for 5 in a night. Funny thing is that I didn't candy coat my past for him. If were going to be friends, then he gets to hear all the ugly things...and well lets just say it can get a bit U - G - L - Y!!!

Now the question is why does the topic always turn back to sex between the two of us?

I Need Divine Intervention

Time for the annual HIV test. God, are you listening? I'm sorry for anything I have ever done. Please keep me negative.

I'm actually not that nervous. Anything I've done in the past year would be considered safe, and although abstinence is the only 100% safe thing to do, my chances are low. Of course, I'll still be sweating for a week, feeling very nauseous.

Fifty in Florida!

I sometimes hate my mother! 27 fucking hours driving to Florida for a God damned birthday? All so she can turn "Fifty in Florida!" I need a beer.

On a side note, she did get me dates with two fitness models she has been working with over the last few weeks. How many guys can say that they had two dates in the same night with guys that have abs you could brush your teeth on? And before anyone asks…no I didn't sleep with them (and the opportunity did umm….arise), but I was a bit too chicken. Probably my first and last chance at a threesome. This is why it is so weird having Irene as a mother. She was pissed I didn't do it. I'm not her ho to get pimped around...well then again. I hear another comedy routine being built on this one.

I did get to meet Philip in Columbus while on my way down. If I haven't mentioned it before...this man has a heart of gold. He is the person who offers words of advice, encouragement, and praise when you need it, and before you ask for it. I'd trust him with my life, and I would never let anyone hurt him. We may not be blood relatives, but we are family. I will always wish him well in what ever he does. And before anyone asks...he has a partner who I plan to meet the next time I come to town.

And the Winner is...

"It occurred to me that I didn’t say thank you for the show on Friday night. Thank you. I enjoyed the show and the company. I want to keep being friends and hanging out and having fun. I’m all too used to being on my own, relationships scare me and I often subconsciously sabotage them, so I’d much rather stay in the uncomplicated friend realm. I think it’s better for my mental health and for those around me."

Jeff actually told me in person that he wanted to be "just friends", which made me feel like I was being so shot down, but really, I think I would prefer the friends mode better. So why am I bummed out? Maybe because it would have been nice to have someone I find attractive have an interest in me. But I think it is more than that. For the first time, I find myself in contact with someone that is so much like who I would want to be, and who has so much in common with me. It's almost like having a brother/twin. Of course, it is now doing me no good to find myself sexually attracted to him.

This guy has the potential to become family for me, which isn't easy, as I just don't trust people much anymore.